Two passages from The Very Rev. Kate Moorehead’s Organic God that really touched me:

“We are so afraid of losing our abilities, our skills, our possessions.   But to God all of that is nothing but trappings.  To God, we are a heart, a soul, a being that is naked and beautiful, like a lily of the field.” (pg 8 )

Wow–what if I lived as if I truly believed that, or more importantly, as if that was truly all that mattered to me.  What if I insisted, in the face of the world’s opposing and contradictory messages and in the face of my own insecurity, my own longing for affirmation, approval, for an identity that would look good to the world–w hat if I rested and rejoiced in the fact that I AM a beautiful soul, a lovely heart that God loves and with whom God is pleased?

“Worry is nothing but a spinning of the wheels of the mind.  It is an unproductive, unflattering waste of energy.  Worrying is useless.  I think that worrying for me is a way of trying to remain in control, of putting the brakes on my life. . .  Worrying does not add time to life, but rather robs us of it.  When we worry, we are not fully awake.  When we recognize that our thoughts are repeating themselves, when we go over and over the same problems, the same confusion or pain, we erase our presence from the moment.  And we lose that moment, for it will never return.” (pg 12)

That is and has been SO true in my life.  There are YEARS in which I have very few vivid memories, times when my worrying and my obsessive-compulsive disorder absolutely overwhelmed my daily life.  I was so NOT present in the moment that I can’t even remember what went on.  My body was there but my mind was turned inward, racing thoughts, trying to control my life by worrying it to pieces.  And I still struggle with that, because worry is an insidious thing– I will have been doing it for hours, days, weeks before I even realize I am doing it!  What worry has taught me, though, is that NOTHING is guaranteed except this present moment, and it too is fleeting.  For that reason I need to hold very lightly and loosely to the things I want and need, the things I feel the drive to worry over and protect– because what will happen will happen whether I worry about it or not.  And what will not happen, what is not God’s will, will NOT happen no matter how much I try to control it.

My goal today is to live fully and completely in this moment, letting all other fears and desires and needs and insecurities flow right on past.  To rest in the knowledge that I am NOT in charge, but that I am taken care of.  Even in regard to things I don’t understand or can’t make sense of, in the larger picture, the picture God sees, all manner of things shall be well and, as St Teresa of Lisieux put it, “Everything is grace.”

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